lately ive been watching the sunsette (sunsets are so beautiful that i think they deserve a much better spelling) up by the baseball field. its really an awesome time of revelation and hearing from the lord. and so, naturally its the end of the day normally im frusterated and hate everything and everybody after working at starbucks and im ready for some real one on one with God. today wasn't a whole lot different, though i didnt bring my bible or anything to write on, so i just leaned up against the shed and started talking out loud. there are these pieces of grass, i dont know what they're called but they have like a bud on the end and a long pretty sturdy stalk. i grew up learning how to bend the stalk and shoot them like a grenade/missile type thing at my siblings. and so i just sat there, talking out loud, shooting these pieces of grass across the field. and then i heard this dog howling. i really dont like big dogs all the much. ive been chased by a lot of them growing up, granted most situations deserved it, but a few instances -like with the neighbors boxers -were completely unmerited. i like labradors and other big dogs that just dont randomly chase and bark at any and every human being that isn't their owner....but other dogs (especially boxers) i pretty much hate. okay so basically i just hate boxers. anyway, i thought to myself that i really didnt have anything to defend myself with and i half-jokingly stated out loud that i could shoot them with my grass-hand-missiles but or throw a flip-flop but that was about it. and then the lord speaks to me about david and goliath. and how david had nothing against the massive giant goliath, he didnt even have a sword. (i didnt even have mase which i sometimes have on my keychain) and that it wasnt even neccesarily the stone that killed goliath, it wasn't david's great aim or luck...it was by god's strength alone. yeah so literally the stone killed goliath, but what if david had screwed up the shot? david didnt have anything in himself to lean on. it says in john 3, that a person can't even receive one thing, unless its given to him from heaven. and again the lord speaks to me "i must increase you must decrease" (again john 3). so i sit there contemplating this, how weak and lowly i am, how utterly poor and wretched, how completely loss and horrible i am...when i look up and see this dog walking next to a guy coming towards me. this dog is massive right. its like part mastiff, part wolf, part pitbull and part BOXER. and it totally sees me and the guy doesnt yell a hello or anything, just keeps walking straight while his dog is running towards me. i hate boxers, i hate them. my heart just sorta did summersalts in my chest and i prayed a silent "oh lord, oh lord, dont let that dog attack me. oh lord dont let it kill me." (or something to that extent) and so i yell out a "hey" to the guy to let him know that im there and that his dog might kill me if he doesnt get it to stop, and he just knodded in my direction. then the dog starts running towards me again and then stops suddenly like 2 feet in front of me, just staring...while his owner continues to walk past me a few yards not looking or saying anything. and i didnt move, i just stared right back at that massive boxer-like dog. and i yell out a timid "hey is your dog nice?" the guy chuckles and keeps walking. i was kinda pissed at this point and then the dog like darts towards me and makes a quick turn so it just barely passed me without hitting me. then it comes running towards me from the back and does the same thing, then stops and just stares at me again. and i just stared back until the thing turned around and ran away. it wasnt until after it left that i started shaking. but in that, the lord just showed me again how weak i was. but that he loves that. he desires for me to give him everything, to have nothing, so he can give me everything. its so strange really, how simple it is, but how hard it is to get. i dont even realize how much i rely on my own strength, for everything. but its christ in us that makes us strong. like healing for instance. there isnt a formula for healing, thank god! its not based on our faith, its not based on us doing anything, but being nothing so christ can be everything. its his power that heals, not ours. its his power that casts out demons, not ours. like in acts 19 with the sons of sceva. they think that they have all this power cause they know the name of jesus. and they try to cast out this demon and the demons like "dude, who the heck do you think you are?" "i know jesus, and ive heard of this peter guy, but who are you?" sees thats the whole point. THEY KNOW JESUS. they know his power. sickness cant come up against him, demons cant come up against him, even death itself is swollowed up in his victory. its not us that the demons know and bow to, its christ in us. its not us that sickness flees from, its christ in us. we could lose the whole world but gain everything, because we have christ in us and he's our hope of victory our hope of glory. man if i could really get this. if i really could just look and see how little i am, and how great jesus is. and that he's in me. like dude, i was reading the other day in james 4 and it talks about how God himself "yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us" like i cant even grasp the full meaning of that. like for real, as christians, god's spirit dwells in us. the spirit of the LIVING GOD. now thats radical. so long story short, i wasnt mauled by the dog, but im realizing how great the power of the living God is. and that its a live inside me.
