recently ive been asking myself a lot of questions. it all started with ichthus (
http://www.ichthus.org/) last weekend. well not really, if you know me even a little you probably know that my brain pretty much never shuts off and that i love to ask questions. i especially love when people answer them, and don’t ask another one back. maybe thats why i decided to drop my psychology minor, hah. just kidding. but really. the fact of the matter is i just always think. i cant shut my brain off it jumps around from one thing to another like hosea’s prostitute wife jumped around from one man to another. okay, maybe thats a bad analogy. but really i could be talking about how much i adore orange mint tic-tacs (which i do, most passionately) and then my mind switches over to another realm and i just blurt out “im just so desperate, i need more jesus.” the saddest part of this frequent occurance is that it often is accompanied by such a stirring in my soul that i need to choke back tears. this occurance is often followed by an uncomfortable silence (especially on the other individuals part) unless of course the random emotional firey outburst is met by and received with hunger somewhere deap within in the other individuals soul, in which case i get a solemn “yeah.” i dont know entirely what is wrong with me. except that im desperate. ive tasted and ive seen and im ruined cause there just isnt any going back. its what allen hood refers to the “divine wound” check out his teachings here (
http://ihop.org/). its a revaltion of God that crumbles the heart, wounds and leaves us helpless before our savior. its a radical encounter on the heart that leaves us unable to live like we once did and switches the focus off us, and onto him. john 17:24 says, “father i desire that they also whom you have given me, may be with me where i am, to see my glory that you have given me because you loved me before the foundation of the world.” this divine wound takes us to this place, this deep place of holy frustration, of a divine hunger to see the son in all the glory given to him by the father. its a desperate craving of deep crying out to deep, of groaning in our inner beings to see and know and understand the width, height, depth, and length of the love of our savior. and yet its a wound of already having tasted of this love, of drinking of this eternal water –john 4, “the water that i will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” its like being full an hungry at the same time.
ive had this reoccuring vision or mental image. a vision of a great deception that has fallen over the land of a great sealing clinging to mankind. of a great deception that we’ve all fallen under –christians and non-christians alike. like a great sleep and slumber that we are restricted under and refined too. like in minority report where the “pre-crime investigation team” keeps human beings in this pool of sorts hooked up to a machine so that they can predict the future. they’re not treated as human beings, they’re in a dead state of living. or like in the matrix where the human beings are trapped in these case sort of machines. their spines, brains, everything are hooked up to contraptions that keep them alive, but asleep, in a state of non-existence. where their minds cannot think, they’re shut off to reality. they’re dead. theres a great drunkenness that has fallen upon us. we need to wake up, we need to throw the blanket of complacency off us, but its like a black darkness enveloping our every part. our minds are dead our hearts remain black we fall under the yoke of slavery again and again. this reality was made known to me even more recently. i fasted the week of ithchus. (i probably just broke the number one rule of fasting by telling about it but guess what the religious spirit sucks im not falling prey to it again and God knows my heart) let me tell you, fasting is a powerful and effective tool in drawing us closer to God. i fellowshipped more with the holy spirit that week than i have...well since i hardcore fasted last. (and im embarrased to admit that was back in january) fasting makes you so much more sensitive to the spirit and is a great time of revelation in the knowledge of the lord, ephesians one –seventeen. and so during this time of fasting God made this picture clearer to me than ever before.
its really easy to look at the world and criticise and exclude oneself from fault. but the deal with this revelation is that it resounds in my heart. like i know its true for me too. i know that i too, although a christian, although a child of light, 1 thes 5, am complacent, dead, apathetic, drunk with anxiety and the cares of the world. ive been asleep. im still asleep. so forget non-christians for a second and think about the church. we’re so indoctrinated with media with being relevant with being cool with making everybody feel good and welcome. we’ve got big smiles on our faces wearing “no perfect people allowed” t-shirts. but what messages are being preached in the pulpit that are bringing us to our knees in repentance? we’re so concerned with moving along with society and not offending that the word of God isn’t even preached anymore. we cant be uncomfortable. we want everybody to be happy, to feel good. we’re so afraid of man that our feet are stapled to the floors and we don’t move. our mouths are stone. we’re content with coming to church on sundays and doing everybody a great eye service, eph 6, putting on a good face and proclaiming peace and safety. you see i can say this because ive been there. i went to church like everybody else on sundays, then went and drank during the week, cursed like a sailer, slandered my parents, my friends, lied, gossiped about my neighbors...i grieved the holy spirit daily, no hourly, probably more. so we’re drunk on the spirit of the world. and every time we try even a little bit to get out of it, we turn on the tv and watch another movie or fall into some other pleasure of the flesh that only brings temporary satisfaction. its like the presence of darkness just lingers overhead stifling us, pressing the very breath from our lungs keeping that “living water” like stagnant dirty suppressed mud puddles deep within our beings. we’re christians with pacifiers in our mouths living on milk when we could be eating meat, hebrews 5.
BUT that being said, we ARE as christians supposed to be children of the light are we not? “for freedom christ has set us free, do not therefore submit again to a yoke of slavery.” galations 5. and so why if being set free by the blood of the lamb that speaks a better word than abel hebrews 12, are we living like children of darkness sitting in pits of despair? if christ saved us when we were dead in our tresspasses and made us alive with him and seated us in heavenly places ephesians 2, then why do we continue to be drunk, complacent, asleep? why are we bored with christainity? and so, we must examine ourselves. we must come face to face with the reality of our darkness and christs ability to overcome, and that he did overcome. we need to be gripped with the reality that we have an inheritance in him. is he getting the fullness of his inheritance in us? we need to be divinely possessed (allen hood again) why cant we just give ourselves to jesus and let him get his full inheritance in us? why do we continue to submit over and over again to the yoke of slavery gal 5. why do we not live as children freed? why do we grieve the holy spirit by taking advantage of our salvation and living like children of darkness, letting sin ruin us again and again. satan is the father of lies. when we lie, when we are deceptive, when we sin, we submit to him again saying with our souls “satan is my father.”we are submitting to the father of lies and we fall back in shame. when we judge other people we’re saying we want to be judged by these same principles. we dont even judge ourselves, how can we judge others? 1 cor 4. do we understand the urgency of this? do we understand how vital this is? when we open the door, even a little bit we give room for satan and the principles of darkness to take hold of us. and im not just talking about stuff like murder and stealing, im talking about those dark secrets of your heart, those things that no one knows, those little areas of compromise that you know about. those things that screw with your mind that the world tells you are ok, but arent. that the enemy sees, that makes you complacent. that makes you lukewarm, standing on the line. “so because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, i will spit you out of my mouth.” rev. 3:16. do we get how serious this picture is? oh Fod, do we get that we’re children of the living God? heirs? adopted into your kingdom forever? do we get that we can live like you did, radical, alive, doing even greater works than these! john 14:12. do we get it??? oh God we need to wak up! we need to get sobriety in our spirits again. “the end of all things is at hand, therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers.” 1 peter 4:7. “be sober-minded, be watchful, your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 peter 5:8 “so then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober.” 1 thes. 5. God dont let us fall asleep like your disciples did at the mount of olives. let us be awake, watching and praying so that we dont enter into temptation. we want to be like the sons of issachar in 1 chron. that had understanding of the times. God open up the eyes of our understanding!
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
Photo 4:
"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."
I often venture out to Figg Lane. Whether its to soak up the silence, spend some good time in the word, or to wade through muddy water with a friend, its never failed to consist of a good time. Today after work, Samantha and I decided we needed some sunshine and we went and visited ol' figg. The water was freezing, but we braved the frigid temperature and went wading anyway. (mainly because samantha lost her shoe and we were forced to retrieve it) 
This year I've had the opportunity to volunteer as a youth leader at my church - gcf (great commission fellowship). It has been an amazing experience and is truely a blessing to be able to take part in the lives of these beautiful kids. One of the youth and I happen to have matching shoes. She excitedly claims they're "magic shoes" and insisted we both wear them for youth meeting. We rocked them out playing kickball and soccer the other night and well okay, we pretty much rock them out whenever we wear them cause we're cool like that. 
so we do not lose heart. though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. for this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison as we look not to the things that are seen but the things that are unseen. for the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 cor 4:16
if you want to see some more kc boiler room photos check out my flickr site. shalom.
