Lord,
i want to love you more
i want to know you more
so reach down and touch me

dear asbury

to the asbury/wilmore community:

treasure the people in your life that will stand beside you, encourage you, love you, call forth your anointing and giftings, pray for you, cherish you, support you- you are an amazing community that fosters growth in the spirit, and the rest of the world, when you get in it, is not very much like you at all.

Baptism

It's been about a year since I've been water baptized out in Kansas city at the International House of Prayer. It also happens to be my weekend off, and I've been able to get away and reflect on the last year. I came across an entry written in my journal after the baptism describing it as one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

"It is the beginning of a new season, of new life in Christ. Oh what joy comes after death. Now I think I know that death shouldn't be feared at all...because death of the flesh, the death that I experienced in the water was wonderful, so wonderful that I almost wanted to remain in those waters forever. And maybe thats why we're supposed to stay in the death, like death in the water tank under the baptism waters, what a sweet sweet place. Quiet, silent, peaceful, melodious, the sound of water, the voices of the world stilled the voice of the Lord heightened "death in the flesh means life in me. Oh the joy."

Colossians 2:11-15
"In him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting of the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful workings of God, who raised him from the dead. And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him."

uhhhhhg

I'm tired of being taken advantage of. I'm tired of not being appreciated. I'm tired of being disrespected and trampled...where is the honor? And yet I hear myself whining and complaining about this when there are people in CHAINS all around the world, sold into slavery like animals. Their bodies being beaten within an inch of life. There are unborn children who will never have a chance to breathe air, who have no right to life only because they were a "mistake" or are unwanted. What do I have to complain about, right?

Sometimes I am so incredibly sad and I don't know why, kind of like I have lived so much of my life in this state that it has become normal. So much so that sometimes it feels weird to smile. I've been noticing a lot though that when I see the kids I can't help but smile. They bring me such complete joy and happiness. All they have to do is walk out of a building and converse with their friends, just the sound of their voice, their laughter...I love them. I love them when they play video games. I love them when they are late for work in the PX and make up excuses like "I was helping my grandmother cross the street" I love them when they mess up. I love them when they're difficult, when they make the same mistakes over and over again. I love them when they ask for me to pray for them. All of them have a different walk, a different manner of holding themselves. Sometimes I feel like a creeper because all I want to do is be around them, to talk to them, to know their hearts. Most of them don't even know Jesus but its amazing to me how is fingerprints are all over them and they don't even know it. They are beautiful. They are perfect. They are so gifted and have so much potential. And when I look at them I just smile and take in God's glory because they were created in his image. How amazing is that? That we, men, nothing but dust from the ground, so fragile, so imperfect, so utterly messed up and incompetent, we carry the image of the living God -the one who created us? And we don't even know it. We curse our bodies. We curse our brothers. How sad it all is, that we don't get who we are. Hah, I don't get who I am. It's so much easier to love someone else.

I'm going to try and be better at updating this. (I always say that, but I really am this time, its going to be a part of my attempt at discipline and focus) Life since I arrived in Oregon has been mostly like a whirlwind its so different from my life in kentucky and so many things have happened in the last 6 or so months that sometimes I feel like a completely different person. I don't think I realized what I had in KY until I left it. If I ever cried out in loneliness for instance someone should have smacked me in the face and told me it could be a whole lot worse, because it certainly can. Out here it is so vast with more trees and land than there are people and its easy to be isolated. Having all your family and friends in a 3 hr time zone difference and thousands of miles from you ....and living with a car that is not reliable enough to get you out of Oregon nor enough money in your pocket to buy a plane ticket doesn't help the situation. Sometimes I don't think I thought this one through enough, I don't know how I'll ever afford to move back east. Working weird hours and being unable to join a church or home group apart from the school doesn't help with the loneliness either. The only church family and support offered to me are the 5 other people with a similar schedule to myself...and half of them have families which can offer support and encouragement. I have found myself listening to as many sermons online as I can, and it has helped, but its still been hard.

The other day I snow-shoed up a 1000ft mountain at crater lake. And as I was coming back I stopped long enough to listen to the silence. The snow had let up, and there were no signs of life for miles...I looked around and I was completely surrounded by snow and massive pine trees and not a sound could be heard. It was so quiet I could hear my own heart beat. I have not heard that kind of silence for a long long time. And yet I think in a way that I have been living in that kind of silence since I got here. As I stood in that forrest atop 40 some feet of snow I feasted myself on the beauty and desolation around me. Even though there was silence I could see it was clearly marked with Gods beauty. It was incredible, even in the silence even though I felt so incredibly isolated from every one else, all I had to do was look at the mountains surrounding me, the trees, the snow, the blue sky and it was perfectly evident that the Lords hand was upon it. It's been so much like that here...I feel mostly like I was just dropped out of the sky onto another planet with new people that I don't know and that don't know me...and yet the Lords hand it so perfectly upon it. One of the last words I heard from him so clearly before I left KY was that this was his best for me. I have clung to that word like a mountaineer clinging to a rope as his only life-source while hanging over a ravine.

The Lord is steadfast. He is ALL I need. He is my source. He is my friend, sometimes my only friend. He is my Father. He is my brother. He is my peace. He is my food and my drink. He will never leave me and he stands surrounding me, even if he doesn't say a word.

bundt cake

i have always been slightly obsessed with bundt cakes. maybe its the weird name, or the fact that its baked entirely upside down...i don't really know. however, a few days back i graced my kitchen collection with a new bundt pan- its yellow, and beautiful. i made my first bundt cake in it, a lemon cake with a think lemony icing glaze for the pie auction on saturday. it sold for 45 dollars to one of my girls, ivy!! recently though, ive been looking around for some new bundt cake recipes and came across this one...im going to test it out on the girls this week. they all love sugar, and blueberries, so im thinking it will be a hit.

Reduced-Fat Lemon Blueberry Bundt Cake

Cooking spray
2 Tablespoons sugar

3 cups all-purpose flour
1½ teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
¼ teaspoon salt
1¾ cups granulated sugar
¼ cup butter, softened
1 tablespoon grated lemon rind
4 large eggs
½ teaspoon vanilla extract
1 (16-ounce) container Reduced-fat sour cream
2 cups blueberries (Fresh or Frozen)

¾ cup powdered sugar
1½ tablespoons fresh lemon juice


Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Coat a Bundt pan with cooking spray and dust it with the 2 tablespoons of granulated sugar and then set it aside. Meanwhile, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, stirring with a whisk. Place 1¾ cups granulated sugar, butter, and rind in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until well blended (about 2 minutes). Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition (about 4 minutes total). Beat in the vanilla and the sour cream. Add the flour mixture slowly and beat at medium speed until it is just combined. Gently fold in the blueberries. Spoon the batter into the prepared pan. Bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes or until a wooden toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool the cake in the pan for about 20 minutes and then remove the cake from the pan. Cool completely on wire rack. To prepare the glaze, combine the powdered sugar and lemon juice, stirring well with a whisk. Drizzle over cooled cake.



recipe courtesy of "stir it up with jackie" blog.

Genesis 1-50, 10/22-10/25

the beginning of this book may have some of the most beautiful language in the entire bible. its so imaginative and mysterious... phrases like "darkness was over the face of the deep" and "the spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters." however genesis 19 is by far my favorite chapter in the book. i love abraham's persistence and boldness in asking God to spare people out of Sodom, from 50 down to 10. Gods kindness here is incredible...the conversation is left with God saying he will spare the whole city if 10 are found. and yet there are not even ten found in the city who are righteous, there are only lot his wife and two daughters. and what does God do? he didn't promise abraham that he would spare any in the city if less than 10 are found, and yet even though only four are found he doesn't destroy them with sulfur and fire from heaven with the city. lot and his family even stall in the city and the God is patient with them and bring them out of the mob still. and when lot asks the angels to spare the little city of zoar that they might go there, and angels respond telling them to hurry because they "can do nothing till [they} arrive there." its interesting because in the past when i've looked at this passage my focus has been on lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt because of her disobedience towards god...this time though the gods gentleness, kindness, and patience with humanity was so evident. actually its evident all throughout genesis...how many times did abraham sort of kind of lie about sarah being his sister (even though she was his half-sister) and yet, god's favor is still upon him?

through the bible in 90 days

wow i havent been on here in forever. i was reading back over all the years that i have semi-documented...and its kind of crazy how so many things have changed from then until now. i still have my camera, but i am not using it...unfortunately. however i have decided to document life a little bit differently for the next few months, by way of the bible. yesterday while driving back from roseburg, oregon (yes i'm on the west coast now, weird...) i was thinking about my life, about how its completely based around this one book, the bible, and the man for whom, by whom and through whom all things exist...

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it." 1 John

and I was realizing that if this book is my life as I claim it to be, then darn it i should have it read by now! (yes i have never read through the entire bible). so today is day one...13-20 chapters a day for 90 days. and then when i'm finished i'm going to read it again, and again, and again, and again, and again until i know it. if i position my heart to receive in this way, and i concentrate my mind to mediate upon the word day in and day out, how can i not be forever changed? and man, i need a transformation...

tom & joy

i was able to shoot tom & joy's engagement photos the other day in wilmore/lexington. it was super-fun and i got a lot of fantastic photos of this gorgeous couple! this is one of my favorites.

some more from cheri & chad wedding

the lyrics to a song i listened to recently that really resonated with my spirit: (and a cool picture i found)

"beautiful man
beautiful god
youre more than worth my time
youre more than worth these longings of my heart
left unfulfilled, for a time

i know you dont come as
easy as some, but i will watch and pray

take it all
just give me jesus

i dont want any other lovers
for all my devotion belongs to this man"

some random stuff

sheri and chad wedding

a little boy at the wedding i shot recently with such a fascination for bubbles.

"i rely fully on your faithfulness, oh God."

today i learned:

1. it is entirely possible to be content while doing nothing
2. i like reggae music
3. never drink more than 6 shots of espresso in a 2 hour period
4. i want to and will spend the rest of my life traveling
5. coconut rum does not have pieces of coconut in it
7. children are beautiful
8. i pretty much am in need of nothing
9. god is jealous and sometimes does things to make us jealous after him

thats all.

my dear beautiful friend, Bethanys wedding (and her wonderful man Brian).

Leah

oh the pain in my heart it whispers can you hear?
run away run away hide
there's just to much pain in the world
i want to retreat i want to be numb
it hurts to much to feel.

broken places
blank faces
pain bleeds from their pores
its not to late, don't run away
Leah, just come home.

ma'am please don't wear that

today: saturday the 23rd 2009 the mystery woman was slightly more put together than other days, wearing a slightly mid-rift bearing outfit the skirt was surprisingly at least 2 inches longer than most days. and i'll give it to her the blue was a nice touch. way to not go crazy with the eyeliner you didn't look entirely like an egyptian today but you still turned the heads of every 12-80 year old man around.

ma'am please don't wear that

i saw her again. the mystery woman has really added to my quality of life, i have actually begun to look forward to see what her fashion choice is next - or uhhh should i say, how little one can wear possible. today: saturday the 16th, mystery woman wears black see-through shirt suctioned to body with brilliant magenta highlight strategically placed throughout as accent choice. ma'am, please don't wear that.