profession: an occupation requiring extensive education

i am a very very bad student. how on earth did i make it this far? seriously. how am i still considered eligible for a scholarship and consistently have a decent grade point average after 4 years of skipping class, late work, no work, little if any textbook reading (if the textbook was ever purchased in the first place,) writing research papers the night before they are due without reading books on the subject, and playing spidar solitaire during lectures. i am either a very talented bs-er, or the hand of God is truely upon me by giving me revelation or bringing me favor from my professors. for real, i am a very very bad student. i just am. i admit it to myself and to the world. i do not deserve to study at an institution like asbury college and come out above water for the amount of effort i put into studying for and caring about my classes. i just cant help it. i dont care about school. i never really did. ive tried to care, but i never really have cared. honestly, i often sit in my classrooms wondering why on earth i am there.

it all just comes down to this one little factor. God wants me here. i still dont know entirely why. but i knew he called me to this place the moment i stood in hughes chapel. i was standing there with this really annoying preppy asbury grad and my parents. this guy was going on and on about how great asbury was and how it takes a certain type of person to go there. i just remember looking at this guy and thinking "dude, just be real" and "if everyone who goes to asbury is this fake, i don't want to go here." but then there was that moment he showed us hughes. i walked in and felt this tug at my heart and i just started to cry. i don't know where it came from, but i did. and i knew i was supposed to be here. my dad wanted me to go somewhere else because the people who took us around the other college campuses were so much more honest and down to earth. i thought the same thing. asbury people seemed like ones who were in religious bondage, having the appearance of godliness but denying its power. (2 tim). i would rather be with people who completely denied God, than accepted him, halfheartedly. but alas. i am here. and i now am plagued with this broken heart for the complacent.

i keep reminding myself of the words God spoke to me the first night in august that i was back in wilmore. i was so frusterated then, because i felt like i was the only person in wilmore that had this burden for prayer and desiring his fullness. "i have not put you here for a profession, amy." these words penetrated my heart and i was reminded again that i am really just this little person of no real significance, apart from the identity placed upon me by the Holy one. i've been called to intercede for my entire generation. to live for tomorrow in today. to be radical, seek wholeness, and embrace the power of Christ in me. where this will lead me, who knows. but thats who i am. and right now i've been divinely positioned in wilmore to intercede for asbury. in two months, this may change.